Overcoming Shyness



Shyness is borne out of insecurity, self-consciousness and fear. Shy people can’t help but have the ingrained notion that whatever they say or do is being judged by other people. If left on its own, shyness can become quite serious to the point where you lose control of the social bonds one ought to be making. Furthermore, people who are shy tend to let opportunities slip through their fingers despite their skills and talents. If you’re battling with shyness, below are helpful tips to get rid of it so you can come out and blossom.

Pour your heart out on paper

You might not know it yet, but a lot of shy people turn out to be good writers. Since a shy person tends to think more they develop a knack for words and self-expression. So, how about writing some of these negative assumptions and social anxieties on paper?

Writing in a journal not only encourages creativity, but it allows you to view things from a clearer perspective. Journaling or writing is a rational exercise which allows you to analyze your feelings and approach it in a more logical way.

Scrap your image

When you think about it some more, the more anxious you will feel because you tend to overthink about how others will perceive you. Telling yourself things like “I’m too shy to say or contribute anything here.” will only harm you more. The trick is to think that you aren’t even shy. If you believe that you have the guts to do anything you’ll slowly start to grow out of the “They might not like me.” cocoon.

Other people are just like you

Have you asked yourself why you’re afraid to speak up? Do you think that others won’t understand you? Scrap that! That is the biggest misconception of all. People are similar to each other a lot more than they think. Yes, personalities vary, but people have the same emotions of fear, sadness, and joy that you feel. Not everyone might agree with you or want to be your best friend, but why miss out on the good that could happen while you narrow it down to the worrisome “what if’s”? The rule is if you’re nice to people, majority of the time, they’ll be nice in return.

It takes some practice

Shy people have a tendency to repeat social scenarios in their head. So, why not put this to good use instead? Think of conversation starters or responses you could utter. Find a common ground with the people you’re meeting. Practice these scenarios in front of the mirror or repeat it in your head.

Mixing and mingling can be terribly nerve-wracking at first, so take it slow. Practice your social skills one tiny step at a time. You don’t need to transform overnight. Be gentle with yourself and constantly remind yourself to try to feel comfortable in social situations. Eventually you will get there. You will.


Shyness can render one to feel only for oneself and forget about how others feel at the moment. Since you’re too scared to be around others, you tend to create a wall and end up not making new friends. If you’re at a party, don’t hide in the corner, people will end up thinking you’re not interested. Instead, open up! Be kind and friendly.

Fake it ‘till you make it

This saying may be overstated but that’s because it’s true. You say you’re shy. So, find ways to get away from it. Fake it ‘till you make it! When you’re with a big group, even if you do feel anxious, remember that people aren’t looking at your every move. In fact, they might be as nervous as you!

So relax a little, make a friend. If people see you’re comfortable to be around with, then you’ll find comfort in them too. If you bail or fall back, try to think of the worst situation that could happen because of your shyness. You wouldn’t want that to happen do you? It’s time to step up!

Realize your self-worth

A lot of shy people are the way they are, maybe because when they were younger they were screamed at or put down for certain behaviors or actions that was not entirely their fault. As a result, they find it difficult to see the abilities in themselves. The best thing to do is to remind yourself of your value, your talents.

Once you have the positive vibes going, start to slowly share your abilities with others. Are you a good artist? Do you have a lovely singing voice? Open up to people who share your passion, and the rest will follow.

Finally, don’t flight your feelings. Sometimes, shyness can lead to even worse shyness if you don’t calmly accept it as part of your uniqueness and chance to grow. It is not a weakness. It’s human nature. Acknowledge your social anxieties and work on them.





Photo Credits:
Photo By edward musiak via StockPholio.com

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by Rosalie H. Contino, PhD